Dear Lily, 

All right so here's the deal. I tried to potty train you LAST year. And you were afraid. You were petrified. Kept thinking I could never live without you by my side. What? Geez Miss Gaynor. Stop popping up in my life. Anyway. So potty was a no go last year. Serious petrification. So if you're sitting there thinking, "Mom waited til a week before I turned 3 to potty train me?", stop that judging this instant. We tried. You weren't down like any kind of clown. So overnight I decided we were going to do it. (All great decisions are made overnight, right?) And it was going to be done in three days. That's all the rage these days. After infant training, which I also tried and realized very quickly I was much too lazy for. Then I realized you were going to Dad's on Monday night and didn't want to start something so radical and turn your whole life view upside down then have you go change the routine for a night then come home and be confused on how this new thing goes. But we went potty shopping on Saturday anyway. And you picked out your Lightening McQueen potty. That makes super loud race car noises instead of flushing. Which is amplified in a small bathroom. Now mom's petrified.

Anyway, by Saturday night you wanted to set up the potty. Which is actually like step 3 in the whole 3 days process. 1 and 2 being wake up, throw away absolutely all diapers, eat a big breakfast and talk about today's the day you become a big girl THEN set up and discuss the potty. You can thank good old nursing school for mom needing numbered instructions. So we rushed through discussing the potty. Which turned into "You get a sticker or starburst AFTER you pee in the potty." Queue the wailing and tears. In case you're not into those sorts of things later in life, just know you REALLY are into stickers, tattoos and starbursts at this stage. Then the next hour was devoted to mom getting lots of stickers and starbursts for going potty.

And a new owl mug.

Which she was gonna get anyway but it was her big prize and it matches your new owl jar that holds the starburst rewards.

And she figured she'd need coffee for this venture.

Fresh pants, wipes, TP, stickers, starbursts, books to read.

During this time, you cried wolf a lot. "I go potty!" Nothing. But whatever. Practice is good. You just missed a couple steps and would have failed your check off at this rate. But there's no grade at mom's. And there was a lot of silly singing during this time. Which is probably where Gloria got into my head. Well after that got old, you went and grabbed a pair of underwear to put on and went on about your business. I reminded you to let me know if you needed to go potty.

Next thing I know you're running in circles, as is usual, but you end up in the bathroom going potty in the potty! Through the underwear but we can learn that step later. Naked baby it is. I was elated. We got a sticker AND a starburst. We called Grandma. Who you didn't care to talk to anyway so the calling stopped there. (Who mommy was supposed to call like a week ago. Oops. Anyway. In case things haven't changed in 10 years, please remember your mom has the memory God gave a stump. And be forgiving. Remember I potty trained you. Which I hope is completed in 10 years.)

Sooooo yes. Potty happened. Praise, clapping, yay Lilys, dancing, all that happened. I showed you how to empty it into the potty. Fast forward about 5 minutes. You run back into the bathroom, of your own volition, and I'm pretty sure empty your bladder. I sort of peeked in and was promptly ordered out. WELL. Big Lily likes her privacy all of a sudden. Then, like a BIG girl, you emptied it into the big potty like I showed you.
Only not exactly like I showed you.
Not at all like I showed you.
There was no wiping involved and pee splashed everywhere. Sigh. At least you won't be peeing standing up. Well, accurately at any rate.

Excited, as you can see.

Fast forward to last night. Feverish, chills, no appetite for fruit snacks (which means you're sick, dying or dead)...we shall utilize a diaper. Cuz if you're in mom's bed we are not messing with night one of potty training. We will start nap and night tomorrow. This morning. I was brushing your hair and you started crying! I thought for sure the sunscreen yesterday didn't work and your scalp was burned and here I was scratching it! But no. You tinkled in your chair a bit. So I scooped you up and scuttled you off to the potty. I felt terrible cuz you wouldn't stop crying so I gave you a sticker in anticipation. And it worked. You stopped crying and finished going in the potty. Yay Lily! Today is also different in that now you call me in to go potty with you. Privacy is overrated anyway. But I still haven't had to ask you if you need to go. You just march in there. I'm telling you, this is going so much easier than last time.

I don't know what we're gonna do when we have to go out. Like to the park as I told you we would. I didn't think you'd be using the potty when I told you we could go. I hate to put a diaper on, but I haven't really gotten to the "You're ready to take a trip outside!" part of the book. Which I'm pretty sure happens on day 2 but it's not AWAY from the house. I think that's day 3. And we're technically starting the 3 day thing for real tomorrow.

**Update** I've discovered why you want me to go potty with you all of a sudden. You can't get the stickers open. I feel used.

So the next thing we will work on is throwing away the tissue paper, not flushing it. I feel like that will work in my favor in the long run. Also, not wiping your FACE with the same square you wiped elsewhere with. EWWWWWWWW.
Don't worry. I still love you. Even though the wet underwear we put in the bucket in the tub attracted ants in 2 hours. That's what they invented Borax for.

Much love (but no kisses cuz i know where that paper has been),

Mom